


desperate times call for desperate measures

by emeritusslut



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dewdrop is bratty, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, I'm still a hoe for soft ghoul-loving Copia, Still can't believe Dewdrop lost a horn bless him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 21:25:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17190608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeritusslut/pseuds/emeritusslut
Summary: After Dewdrop loses his horn on stage, the ghouls get jealous of him receiving all Copia's love and decide to take action once and for all.If Dewdrop is allowed to lose a whole ass body part, then so were they.





	desperate times call for desperate measures

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a fuckin train wreck of a conversation between me and my friend after Dewdrop snapped his horn off onstage lmao  
> Kudos to them for putting up with all my Ghost headcanon shit ily
> 
>  
> 
> This is probably atrocious

The ritual had been going swimmingly. They had pulled out all the regular routines, Aether and Dewdrop's guitar battle before Cirice, Multi's little shimmy, taint-tickling and ass wobbling and of course, the Cardinal's crude fingering of the air during Satan Prayer, because that had become a thing for some reason.

Dewdrop, especially, did not think anything to be out of the ordinary. He'd grown accustomed to watching Copia threaten to tickle the audience's taints and wobble their rumps, and as much as he adored Copia, it was concerning him that these were words he had to hear every night, but nevertheless, it was indeed an every day ritual.

Mild disaster only struck when Copia and his ghouls collected at the front of the stage to bow in gratitude to their loyal followers. Smiling lovingly at the rest of his band looking out to the audience, he casually reached up to scratch his head when...what was that noise?

Dew looked down in curiosity to the source of the clatter, and stopped dead when he saw his own fucking horn on the floor. Sweet Fucking Lucifer In Hell.

The rest of the band heard the noise too, all glancing in shock at the horn Dewdrop was now holding up so the audience could see in a slightly comedic manner. Copia and his ghouls, however, knew that this was just a façade for the fans. They were well aware that as soon as they stepped off stage, His Highness was about to royally kick off. They were not wrong.

Copia instantly tried to soothe Dew before he could start causing a scene, but he had already started stomping and throwing one of his infamous tantrums. The two ghoulettes simply rolled their eyes, getting themselves straight back on the tour bus; they were very immune to the overdramatic Dewdrop by now.

"Dew," Copia tried softly, trying not to rile the ghoul up even more. "Please just try to breathe, it's really not that big a deal, the nurses can fix it easy once we get back to the church, ok bub?"   
Of course it was no use, Dew was pouting and sniffling, still occasionally stomping all while refusing to let go of his damn severed horn.  
A funny yet sorry sight.

Copia sighed, taking Dewdrop's hand and guiding him onto the bus  
Multi, Earth, Rain and Aether stood watching the scene in disbelief.  
"Copia seriously can't be still falling for this," began Aether. "He cracks every time Dew has a strop then coddles him for a week, this is what I call unfair."  
Multi nodded in agreement. Dew had hurt his hand a few weeks ago, and they hadn't even heard the end of that yet, who knew how long it would take for Dew to come out of his sulk from this?

The four ghouls climbed onto the bus, not at all surprised to see Dew sniffling on the couch and curled into Copia, who was stroking his hair and scratching behind his horns in affection. Dew did appear to be a lot calmer at the soothing action, however they knew he was going to milk this special attention from Copia. He was already basking in it. 

Rain, admittedly, felt a spark of envy travel through him. He loved Dew and he loved Copia but Dewdrop would definitely be stealing all Copia's attention the next few days, none of the other ghouls would get any cuddles for a while. He heard Multi mutter a small 'but I want cuddles too' before the quartet headed off to their bunks. 

~ ~ ~

When Rain woke up the next day, they had almost arrived for their flight back home. A private jet sent by the clergy, of course. The band didn't feel like members of the public staring at and questioning their mismatched eyes or horns. Speaking of the horns, Dewdrop was still very much missing one. Of course Copia was with him on the couch again when Rain walked in. He could tell Dewdrop was essentially over the initial shock of losing an entire horn, realising it was in fact very fixable, but he wasn't giving up his special Copia attention for anyone.

"Morning." Rain croaked out, flopping next to the cuddling pair and stretching out in a cat like manner. Copia chuckled at the action and lightly reached over to stroke Rain's cheek, making him purr lightly in pleasure, but also in slight smugness to show Dew that he could gain love by behaving himself and not being a stroppy little shit.  
His Highness only pouted and made a huffy noise.

It wasn't until their jet was ready to transport them home, the rest of the ghouls emerged. Copia made sure they were all there and ready, bags packed and ready to go. Multi was last to come out of his bunk, looking very distressed. Of course, Copia's alarm bells were going off at the sight of an unhappy ghoul and he rushed to sort out what ever was troubling him.

"Oh my Multi, what's wrong, prince?" Copia used his regular nickname for the ghoul in attempt to cheer him up, but to no avail. Not even a hint of a smile. Multi sighed rather dramatically, almost outdoing Dewdrop's huff from earlier.  
"Copia, I've-" he sniffled. "I've lost my tail."

Multi turned his back to a very confused Cardinal to show him the damage, as Copia's eyes scanned- oh for fucks sake.  
The outline of Multi's tail was very visible going down his trouser leg where he had tucked it, in hopes of earning himself some of Copia's coddling.

"Multi-" Copia began in a slightly irritated tone, before Multi turned back round to face Copia with teary, pleading eyes. Damn the ghoul eyes. One day he would survive them.  
"Yes, right, okay, we can sort it out with Dew when we're home alright darling?" Copia said in a loving tone, knowing that calling him out would just upset him for real. Multi's eyes lit up, which did make Copia's heart swell a little, as they all exited the bus.

Rain spent a large portion of the journey home watching Copia with Dewdrop and Multi on either side of him, snuggling in and making happy squeaking noises. This wasn't fair, he was the one who started the cuddle crew, Multi didn't even join in the cuddle sessions. He wasn't even genuinely ill. Even Copia knew that. He decided to go to sleep after he had had enough of hearing Dew and Multi remind Copia that 'my head hurts', 'my back feels bare without it', 'they can definitely reattach it, can't they?'  
So Not Fair.

When the band actually arrived home to the church, excitement was evident in the air from all other clergy members awaiting their return. Parties and celebrations had been planned to congratulate the group on the long tour, and Dewdrop especially was excited. He knew parties at the church were always very full, meaning members of the clergy would be all ready to pet and love him when they saw his missing horn. 

Copia, although excited for the celebrations, would rather have had some rest first, as he had just spent a long journey with two attention whores on either side of him, he needed a break from Dewdrop's horn and Multi's 'missing' tail.

For most of the night, Rain sat in the corner of the great hall, where tonight's party was being held, spending the majority of the time eating the icing off of the little cupcakes. He never was big on these parties, as he had always been very shy and struggled when clergy members would approach him to chat about tour. He only really liked it when they pet him. He could have done with a good behind-the-horn scratch then.

Rain scanned the room for Copia, wondering if Dew and Multi were still chewing his ear off, when his eyes landed on him chatting away with Sister Imperator and Papa Nihil without the melodramatic ghouls. Copia caught Rain's gaze and grinned at him, clearly glad to be rid of the boys for a while. The pair were probably off trying to gain the petting and love from the younger sisters of sin, who all adored the ghouls and thought them to be adorable.

Rain began to wonder where Aether may be, when a figure appeared in his peripheral vision. He flinched, but looking up he realised it was in fact the ghoul he was looking for. Aether was looking down at Rain, looking rather proud of himself. Rain eyed him suspiciously, wondering what he was up to until he spoke.  
"I need you to duct tape my arm to my back."

Rain only realised how odd his request was after a few seconds.  
"Aether what the fuck? Why?" Rain slowly put down his cupcake as Aether pulled a roll of duct tape from his pocket.  
"I want Copia's attention." Aether shrugged simply, grabbing Rain to drag him out of the hall. "If you could just duct tape my arm to my back then help my put my shirt back on, Copia will think I lost an arm."  
Much to Rain's own horror, his initial reaction to this was that it wasn't actually a bad idea.

He grew concerned at this, as he began to realise that he and the other ghouls were catching a horrific disease known as being   
Attention Whores.  
Aether looked at him pleadingly, knowing he wouldn't really say no, as a ghoul had never refused the affections of Cardinal Fucking Copia. Which was actually his official title.

Before any logic could take hold of him, Rain said fuck it, as Aether stripped and positioned his arm behind his back, leaving room for Rain to duct tape it around his body then hastily dress him again. Aether grinned mischievously, admiring Rain's handy work. Which was never even going to be that good because he literally just had an arm behind his back, it was more obvious than Multi's tail.  
"I think we've outdone Dew and Multi with this one, Rainy boy!" Rain was going to remind Aether that Dewdrop genuinely did lose a part of his body, but thought not to because Aether would kick off at him. 

Aether walked back to the hall and strode with pure pride towards Copia, who was now getting pestered again by Multi and Dew. Rain decided to linger within earshot, just so he could see if his hard work would pay off for his pal and earn Aether some Copia snuggles. 

To say Copia was unimpressed to see Aether walking over to him, only one arm through his shirt sleeve and beaming like they'd just won another Grammy, was a severe understatement.   
"Copia!" Aether called out as he reached the Cardinal. Multi smirked at Aether, glad his plan was catching on with the others, while Dewdrop donned a face of thunder. He lost a horn and his friends had the audacity to mock him? Rather rude.

"Aether, why is your shirt only half on your body, do you care to explain that to me?" Copia questioned the ghoul with raised eyebrows.  
"Lost my arm, Copia." He tried to feign sadness and innocence but failed due to Multi's snickering putting him off and make him supress a snicker of his own.  
"Dropped clean off, it's really not fixable, way worse than these two." Aether motioned to a chuckling Multi and a fairly pissed off looking Dewdrop.

"Aether, this really isn't-" Copia was ready to gently let him know that unsubtly duct taping your arm to your back is not an efficient way of getting attention, because at least Multi made slight effort, until of course Aether was going to pull out the infamous ghoul eyes. He knew Copia couldn't resist them. Copia sighed in utter defeat.  
Damn those satanic teddy bears.

Copia was forced to gently rub Aether's back for the rest of the night, making sure to avoid the parts his arm was taped to, just so Aether didn't know that Copia was well aware that the only body part that had dropped off of any ghoul was Dewdrop's horn. Rain, to be perfectly honest, couldn't believe it. The part he struggled to believe most, was that he was craving Copia's cuddles so much that he was actually thinking of carrying out his own fake-loss-of-body-part. 

"Sweet Lucifer in Hell, what have I been reduced to," Rain muttered to himself, before eyeing the 3 ghouls trying to squish themselves all into Copia's lap. Damn. He wanted that.  
'Tomorrow' he thought, coming to the conclusion that he was going to pull off the most extreme body part loss of them all.

~ ~ ~

Copia had wanted to sleep in the next morning, having just been on tour for fuck knows how long, but that was proving slightly difficult when His Highness was scratching and whining at his bedroom door. Seriously did he never give it a rest? Knowing the only option was to sacrifice his lie in and let the bratty boi in.

Dewdrop was almost exhaling steam by the time Copia entered the door and he scrambled in, prancing around in true melodramatic Dew fashion.   
"Copia!" Dew exclaimed, pointing to the hornless section of his head. "I'm getting it reattached today you have to come with me will you because I might cry without you there and that might-"   
Copia grumbled, as Dewdrop, to put it rather bluntly, was doing his fucking nut in.

"Yes Dew, don't worry I'll be there okay? I told you so many times you're going to be fine, just have to be careful and not throw any tantrums for a few da-" Now Copia's rambling was cut off as Multi and Aether trooped in, still donning their disguises, but with a third addition to the crew.

Copia honestly felt like screaming, crying, laughing and collapsing all in one. What he had been greeted with when Multi and Aether parted, could only be described as a 'headless' Rain. Rain had buttoned his shirt up over his head to give the- very poor- illusion of having no head. For Actual Fucks Sake this had gone too far. His horns were literally poking out of the top of the shirt.

"Copia..." was all Rain felt like he had to say. Emphasised both his need for attention and dramatic effect. Boom. Copia could figure out the rest. Copia actually couldn't help but start to giggle after Rain started to talk.  
"Rainy," Copia smirked at Rain with fondness, his moustache twitching. "If you've gone and lost your whole head, first off I'm impressed. But second, where the hell are you talking from?"

Rain muttered a quiet 'oh shit' after realising his mistake. The tips of his horns visible at the top of the shirt tinged red with shame as he unsurely uttered out "...My neck?"  
Even Aether and Multi were chuckling at this one, and this was coming from the two who started this whole trend. Copia was gazing at his weird boys with amusement before he stepped up to them.

"Boys," he started by gently pulling Multi's tail out of his trouser leg.  
"You know you don't have to pretend to lose your fucking body parts," lifted Aether's shirt and pulled forward his arm, which he hadn't even bothered to duct tape that morning.  
"For me to love and pay attention to you, right?" pulled down Rain's shirt, gently buttoning it properly for him and grinning.

Now it was the other two ghouls turn to blush, as the pure lengths they went to just for a few cuddles hit them then. They did feel like quite large numpties.  
Dewdrop, although amused was getting melodramatic again about missing his horn appointment in the hospital wing. Copia had definitely had enough of Dew's whining and wanted this horn back on as much as him now, so he quickly kissed each ghoul on the head, ruffling their hair before grabbing Dew's hand.

"Come on then, munchkin." he gently guided Dewdrop out of the room, flashing the trio another smile and fond head shake on the way.  
Aether, Multi and Rain all looked at each other, not quite sure how to address the situation.  
Aether started to giggle, as did Multi, as it was the only way they could react to this madness.  
Rain smiled slightly, but it was quickly replaced by a thoughtful frown.  
"You okay Rainy boy?" Aether questioned him with slight concern.

Rain looked up at the other two.  
"He's still gonna give us cuddles, right?"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! I really appreciated all the love on my previous fic, as I didn't think I would even upload another! thank you!!!! 🖤🖤🖤


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